Suicide prevention: 6 ideas for parents to help children cope with stress

Sarah McClarie 
Special to the Bonzana 

TAHOE-TRUCKEE, Calif. — To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time, but youths still experience stress. Things like school and social lives can at times create pressures that can feel overwhelming to adolescents. As a parent, you cannot protect your kids from stress but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday issues. Youth deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. While they may not initiate a conversation about what is bothering them, they do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their problems. It is not always easy for parents to know what to do for their children if they are feeling stressed. Here are a few ideas:

NOTICE OUT LOUD
Tell them when you notice that something is bothering them. Put a name to the feeling you think they are experiencing. This should not sound like an accusation; it is just a casual observation that you are interested in hearing more about your child’s emotions. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand. For example, instead of saying “What happened next? You’re still mad about that?” try a more open response such as “It sounds like you’re still upset about what happened at lunch.”

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD
Ask them to talk to you about what is wrong. Listen attentively and calmly—with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, lecture, or say what you think they should have done. The idea is to let their concerns and emotions be heard.

COMMENT BRIEFLY
Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say, “that must have been upsetting,” “I understand why you felt mad,” or “that must have seemed unfair to you.”

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Even with friends and family around, someone experiencing emotional pain or suicidal thoughts can feel isolated. This demonstrates that you have empathy and understand what they felt, why, and that you care. Feeling heard and understood helps them feel supported in times of stress.

PUT A LABEL ON IT
Many adolescents do not have words yet for their emotions. If your child seems angry or sad, use those specific words to help them learn to identify those emotions by name. Putting feelings into words will help kids communicate and develop emotional awareness—the ability to recognize their personal emotional state.

JUST BE THERE
Kids do not always feel like talking about what is bothering them. That is OK—be patient. Let your child know you will be there. Even when kids do not want to talk, they usually do not want their parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better simply by just being there—keeping him company, spending time together. If you notice your child is having a bad day and does not want to talk, go for a walk with them, bake cookies, or go for a car ride. Initiate something you can do together. Studies have shown that driving or walking with your teen are effective ways to help you both open up.

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LOCAL SUPPORT
North Tahoe High, Truckee High, and Sierra High have Wellness Centers on campus providing a resource for peer support groups, referrals to outside support, or simply a relaxing place to hang out. “What is Up?” Wellness Checks are available to any high school students. These anonymous checkups provide the opportunity to check in with teens and open the line of communication around mental health and wellness. Parents cannot solve every problem their adolescent has; however, by teaching healthy coping strategies you will prepare your kids to manage the stresses that come in the future.

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Please visit suicideispreventable.org to learn more about the signs, find the words, and how to reach out.

Just as important as recognizing the inability to solve every problem is the ability to ask for help in parenting when needed. How a child feels should always outweigh how one is viewed as a parent. The best thing a parent can do for their youth is to be less in commitment to getting their child’s emotional needs met. For more information on the “What is Up?” Wellness free and anonymous checkups visit http://www.whatsupwellness.comorhttp://www.ttusd.org.Forfurtherresourcesaboutchildbehavior, health, and development visit http://www.kidshealth.org.

—Sarah McClarie is the facilitator for the Tahoe Truckee Youth Suicide Prevention Coalition. Contact her at [email protected] or by calling 530-582-2560.